Ursula Banteux, the Writings of

As the health care “debate” continues, I still find it necessary to ask why the public option should cause such a stir, when it is hardly the kind of health care reform that people like myself would like to see. And as diseases like HIV, HPV, TB, and Swine Flu continue to change, and potentially become more dangerous, I worry that new vaccinations and medications such as the one recently tested for HIV, will be too expensive for people to afford...

The BBC reports that an experimental HIV vaccine was given to about 8,200 Thai men and women–the remaining 8,200 getting a placebo. The experiment was conducted by the United States army and the Thai government over a period of three years. It was the largest study of its kind. Apparently, after three years, 74 people in the placebo group were HIV positive, while only 51 people in the vaccine group were infected. So, it’s possible to conclude that the vaccine may reduce the risk of HIV infection by about 30%. Does that seem like good odds to you? It seems like good odds to me–and it’s definitely something to be excited about... {Read more}

In an attempt to get the Boyfriend's mother to lighten up a bit, we splurged a little last Mother's Day and got her a nice pair of earrings. Apparently, the stone (appatite) is has been known to deceive miners. It is very good at looking like other kinds of stones.

Next time you go shopping for either of your 'rents or that special someone, however, I think you should check out Best of Time--a decently priced online watch store with a snappy name. Their brand name items are genuine, and likely to make you feel like a million bucks (without actually spending that much dough). They also offer tons of sales and discounts! I was surprised to see just how affordable they can be for the right kind of customer.

Unlike other online stores that are becoming increasingly unreliable, Best of Time (www.bestoftime.com) goes out of their way to brandish all of their verifiability--they're even a part of the BBB! So, the next time you're trying to knock the socks off of your favorites guy or gal, give Best of Time a try and see just how appropriate their name can be...!

I sit before the computer--naked, a towel wrapped comfortably around my locks. It's hard not to enjoy unemployment and being a temporary college drop-out when it feels this good. I've been getting a lot of rest lately; listening to a lot of good (and bad) music; doing some independent studying for this summer and next year. It's been great. I have time to give the Boyfriend some attention, we cook together, and I still managed to have enough money in the bank to pay for March's rent. (Who knows about April and May, though...)

There was a mix-up with the cashier's check I have Tony the Realtor for the apartment the Boyfriend and I didn't end up taking. Apparently Wachovia took my account number down wrong and now my money is floating around in limbo somewhere. I was really hoping to get this mess over with so I can get Oz the Landlord the security deposit for the new place. Also, because I withdrew from classes before the drop period ended, I'm getting %40 of my tuition refunded, so that may mean that I won't have to work until I can find a decent job (that isn't Telefund). I may go to Career Services to see if they can help me with my resume, but I'm not sure what else they would be able to do for me. There's a career fair coming up in the beginning of April that I plan on going to, but that may be a little too far in the future.

The title of this post can be taken in a number of ways. I guess you'll get a better understanding of why that is once I tell you what's been going on:

• I've decided this semester just isn't my semester, and I applied to take a semester off. I'm thinking it's going to go through. I've e-mailed my professors here and there about my decision, but not everyone that should know. I've made sure to submit reenrollment papers for the Fall, so I can register once April comes around. I'm excited about next year. I think I'm finally going to feel like I'm doing something worthy with myself.

• Astrologically, it seems I'm going to be in a world of shit for a while. I thought taking a semester off would be a welcome relief--and so far it has been, but it's also been a little stressful since my decision to change my plans for the future--again. I realized that the only way for me to get a job both helping people and doing research without the (overtly) political mumbo-jumbo is to become a physician-scientist, sometimes called a medical scientist.

My plan is multi-fold. I've decided to take a semester off and focus on getting a job. This summer, I'm going to get my math pre-req out of the way and take a retake a computer class in order to boost my GPA. During the fall and spring of the next academic year, I'm going to take some intro science classes to get those out of the way. I'll graduate in 2010 with a degree in English. (At least then I'll have some credentials.) I'll re-enroll for the Fall 2010 and start a double major in Microbiology and Medical Technology. After graduating, I can then apply to (at least 10) M.D./Ph.D. programs and pray to the almighty gods that one of them accepts me.

This whole scenario is going to take quite some time, but it will be worth it. I wonder if I'll be able to tough it out. How does this look:

Ursula Banteux, M.T., M.D., Ph.D.

I first hit puberty when I was nine years old. Two years later, my legs were hairier than a bear's. My father said, "No problem--We'll have you shaved and smooth in no time." But my step-mother thought I was too young to shave, and that my hair would grow back far worse if I did. So I spent an entire summer walking around Alabama with hairy legs.

At first I was self-conscious and embarrassed, but eventually I got used to it. I guess one would be surprised what you can get used to. Years later, I still don't shave very often. Not because I don't like being silky smooth for the Boyfriend, but because it's just too time-consuming to do regular hair removal. He doesn't seem to mind much, but I still wish I could be smooth for him whenever we were ready to cuddle up.

Perhaps hair removal back in the day could take a woman an hour in addition to all of the other daily rituals, just ensure smooth skin for a partner or just for being able to get around in the summer without feeling self-conscious. Now, however, you can save yourself a ton of time overall by getting that pesky hair removed all at once. I just wish Splash Clinic was available over here.

It's been a long week, indeed. As you may have guessed from the title, the Boyfriend and I did not break up. I tried breaking up with him not too long after that post, but I couldn't do it. He told me he didn't want a future without me in it, and I knew our relationship was worth fighting for. This is an extremely stressful time for the both of us. I'm still trying to get that 4.0 this semester in order to raise my cumulative GPA over at least 3.0 for graduate school. After three more years of school, I'm thinking I may be able to get myself up to a 3.5, at least. I've been trying to fight the temptation to drop another of my classes. I've been looking for a job, and still trying to get all of this stuff settled with the apartment search. The Boyfriend has been stressing about grad school too, not to mention his senior thesis and current independent study. I think we're just going to have to learn to get less than four hours of sleep a night. I've been thinking about it. Last week I didn't attend any of my classes, and this week I've already missed a day of classes. I keep telling myself I just need more time to finish all of the work I missed, but the more I procrastinate and feel sorry for myself, the more work builds up, and the more stressed I become. I'm sure you know the deal.

On the good side, I don't seem to have pissed off any of my professors yet. And the Boyfriend and I did manage to find a cute two-bedroom apartment on Douglass for cheap. Now all I have to do is find myself a job somewhere over there and then I will be set up. Although, I'm still going to have to get my security deposit returned from Tony the Realtor because we have already canceled the lease with the apartment a little too close to College Avenue. This weekend just made it that much clearer why I have to get outta here. Every now and then there's a stretch of silence interrupted by a car screeching and men cat-calliing, and women screaming/singing. What if someone around here really was in trouble, how would anyone know it from the rest of the noise?

According to the Boyfriend's astrologer parents, I'm stuck in some kind of Saturn phase right now that's going to follow me until September. I'll get a reprieve in May, they say, but then it will start up again. I don't know what the hell is supposed to happen in September that's going to help me out, but it will probably be the start of a new year. Every September, I feel hopeful, but the depression ultimately gets to me.

This May, my lease above the bar is up. That will, indeed, be a reprieve.

This past weekend I didn't get any of my schoolwork done because me and the Boyfriend were doing the housing search and arguing the entire time. There was a two-bedroom house for a really good price that the both of us can afford, but once the Boyfriend's parents saw that it was in an area with blacks and Hispanics, they suddenly started worrying about the one mile distance between the house and the campus. They drove by the place a total of three times just to survey the area--once when me and the Boyfriend had already been dropped off. After the Boyfriend and I saw it for the first time, he really liked the place, and so did I. Admittedly, I got my hopes up about renting the place for mid-May, even though the landlord wants to rent the place this month. But I told the boyfriend we could at least try to rent the place for March and get subletters for the remainder of our leases, but he doesn't feel like going through the process.

Now that his parents disapprove of the place, he wants to start looking for different apartments. And there are other apartments out there, but we wouldn't get nearly as much for the price. I'm tired of running around letting this housing search take up all of my time. I haven't gotten any work done whatsoever, and now I'm going to spending another day in some library or student center trying to make up for all the work I have lost. I can't keep doing this. I'm going to need this nonsense to be done with before I lose it.

Speaking of losing it, the Boyfriend had some weird violent fit a little while ago where he was punching himself and generally acting a fool. He said he hates himself and that he hates how much he hates himself, etc. He said he's pathetic, etc. Before it happened, I was trying to tell him that he needs to take care of himself, and he needs to realize that I'm not going to be hot and bothered over him if he can't even wipe the food from his lips when he eats. He used to carry around chapstick and keep himself together, but now he has every excuse in the book for why he's just given up. He doesn't take showers, he can't get up on time (he's damn near nocturnal), and when he eats or drinks anything, he's either dribbling it all over himself, stuffing several bites at a time in his mouth, or getting a layer of gunk of his lips that he doesn't realize is there. It's gross. And he wants me to be turned on by this? He's constantly complaining that we don't have sex enough, but I'm not going to be turned on by him if he's not going to take care of himself.

I e-mailed my mother about the housing situation and she thinks that I already know what I have to do. She says I should move on and find someone else--someone who's more mature. But I've dated guys who are younger than me (the Boyfriend) and guys that were older than me, and it really doesn't seem to make any difference as far as maturity level is concerned. Maybe the best thing I can do for myself right now is be single. I was single for six months before I started dating the Boyfriend, and it's possible that's just not long enough. Granted, I was extremely lonely and emotional during that period, but maybe I wasn't single long enough to appreciate it?

Concerning his last relationship, the Boyfriend once told me "sometimes love isn't enough." And maybe he's right. As much as I love the Boyfriend, it doesn't seem like my love is enough to help him through his problems--be it tough love or soft love. Perhaps we're just not ready to be together? Maybe we never will be.